Please... LISTEN

“This is just what pregnancy feels like” they said. ⁣
“This is your first baby, you’ll get used to it” they said.⁣
“Everyone feels uncomfortable in pregnancy, this is normal” they said. ⁣
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For some reason, we do this to each other. Without thinking we diminish the way a new mom feels, we tell her all women have felt this way and now it’s her turn. It’s a right of passage, we all go through it, none of us had it easy. ⁣
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The messaging we give to each other is to buck up - it was hard for me, now it’s hard for you. ⁣
Around and around it goes. ⁣
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If someone had listened to me, they would have discovered that my belly had stretched from 30 inches to 42 inches in one week. ⁣
One week. ⁣
But I was told me the pain I was experiencing was “just first time pregnancy” feelings. ⁣
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After years of asking questions, blaming myself, blaming my midwife team, blaming the universe, blaming anyone or anything I could.... I’ve realized that no one, and nothing is to blame. I was dealt bad cards. Really, really bad ones. For my introduction to pregnancy and motherhood, I got the worst hand there possibly is. Extreme pain, and child loss. ⁣
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No one could have imagined that my complaining and my pain was actually something so serious - because we aren’t used to terrible endings. But I wish someone had looked deeper - I wish I had looked deeper - and asked more questions. ⁣
I wish I had known I deserved better. ⁣
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The only one who can advocate for you, is you. That’s what I learned. ⁣
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So, now I talk loudly. ⁣
Now I speak up and speak out, I’m the bull in a china shop knocking opinions off the shelf and challenging the way things have always been.⁣
Now I say all the uncomfortable sh*t that people have a hard time listening to, because I know what it feels like to need help, and never get it. ⁣
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Speak up. Be loud. And when someone near you is whispering over and over that something feels wrong...⁣
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LISTEN.