I Changed My Mind

I’m here to tell you; It’s OK to change your mind.⁣⁣
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When the twins were born, and for a long time after, I had a firm belief that they should experience things together. There was a healthy dose of ‘Down syndrome doesn’t change anything’ to accompany this view, but at the end of the day I truly felt that keeping Kenzie out of an activity or experience was not a benefit for her, or for Wally.⁣⁣
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Kenzie needed some firm encouragement when she was very little.Wally needed to see that everyone learns differently. Kenzie needed to see Wally do things to see how they worked, and Wally needed to learn that playing within his sisters limits sometimes took precedent. ⁣⁣
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But today, we started planning an overnight trip just for Wally, and not for Kenzie. It’s a trip to a ski hill where he will try skiing for the first time, and we have decided that Kenzie won’t go. I made all the arguments with myself , including “she might surprise us!” And then I looked from other side, and the only one that mattered was… “she might not take all our attention from Wally…" ⁣⁣
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And we decided that “might” isn’t good enough for Wally this time. He deserves his own day where something is new and hard and he gets 100% of Daddy’s attention and time. We have phrased everything “twins related” so far as a lesson for either Wally or Kenzie, each teaching the other, so this kind of attitude is new for us, separating them so they can get the best experience possible. So they can learn something new, as best as possible.⁣⁣
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2-years-ago me would have pushed for us all to do the same thing, no matter the cost. And I’m learning as my kids get older and become more independent, that the cost is sometimes very, very high. ⁣⁣
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This doesn’t mean I don’t think Kenzie should be pushed to do things that are hard or uncomfortable, she should! But It means I’ve learned that - 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘴' 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳.⁣
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I’ve changed my mind – my twins can’t do it all together. Not yet, and honestly, maybe not ever. I remember a day 4 years ago where I said I would celebrate all their similarities AND their differences… and maybe it’s time to take me at my own word.