Lochlan's Tree
On the 1 year anniversary of Lochlan passing away, we planted this Dogwood tree in the ground.
When we walked into the garden center to purchase something, we probably looked like wounded animals ... sad, lost and needing a lot of tender care.
The only thing we wanted, was something that bloomed by April 27th each year, and when we explained why to the person helping us, he silently guided us over to a path full of dogwood trees.
“These bloom in April every year” he said. “Sometimes at the start, sometimes at the end, you’ll never really know. But it will bloom in April” and he left us to choose.
It will bloom in April.
The month of our boy.
The gift of this tree is enormous.
A growing, living representation of our boy.
A gentle, slender replica of our grief.
A moving, reaching taller as the years passed by piece of our hearts.
The month of April is both sweet and terribly sour. We celebrate him on the 5th , we mourn him on the 27th , we miss him everyday in between. And for everyday we step outside, his tree is there, each day opening a little more, each day giving us the gift of blooms against a pale blue sky.
We did this for our hearts, but it’s become a brotherly beacon for our kids. We call out “don’t forget to water Lochlan’s tree!” across the yard on a boring day. We point at the blossoms and say “Lochlan’s tree grew bigger this year” on a sunny afternoon. We dig weeds from around the bottom and say “Lochlan needs some room to grow!” . And it’s completely ordinary that their yard has a tree named after Big Brother.
This year, Lochlan’s tree is happier than ever. After the move we worried it wouldn’t thrive, but it’s reaching and growing with more petals than ever. And when I look at this perfect little tree, I see years of healing and growing for us, too.
We wanted this tree to remind us of Lochlan, but I don’t think we saw the bigger picture 5 years ago.
That by watering this tree - we were watering ourselves, as well.