Letter to my son turning ONE

To my son, on the eve of turning ONE.

Here we are. At the end of a year, and the very beginning of knowing you. .

You have been the happiest joy to me these past 12 months. You are sweet, and joyful, you smile and laugh, and before you did that you would coo and hum to me. You are gentle, you are calm. You are everything my heart needed, and everything this family unknowingly was missing before you came along. In a few years you will learn that there has been sadness for us, you will learn that there has been loss. But you will also begin to understand that your heavy little body placed on mine was the final piece I needed to begin mending. .

Your brother + sister are wild and you have already begun to fit in next to them. I watch you grow and learn and wobble and fall, and I’m not afraid this go ‘round that time is passing too quickly, it seems to be moving along just as it should. To be clear, I wish you could stay my baby forever, that you would always find comfort in me and safety in my warmth, but little one - it is a luxury to grow and age and I am so excited to see the person you become. .

What a strange feeling to know that I am the Mother; I am here to care for you, but in this last year you have cared for my shattered heart in a way I didn’t see coming. A part of me mourns this time I had with the twins - it was so busy and so hard and so scary, I didn’t let them heal me the way you have. Since I first heard your cries and felt your skin next to mine a blanket of peace covered me that has since become a part of us. You can’t imagine what you have already done for all of us in the short year you have been on earth. Your big brother would be so proud of you, and perhaps... he’s also proud of me.

Maybe the Universe knew you were coming, watched from above and whispered... "Just wait mama. That ache will ease and the rhythm will soften, a little one is coming with a needle and thread to stitch you all together again."